some jokes. read this if you're bored, or have a crush on me. and then you won't anymore. you will most likely not understand them:


where does light go when it gets arrested?
to "prism".

why did the driver skid off the windy road?
he couldn't come to "turns" with it.

how big is an airplane?
bigger than you.

why did the president give up on re-election?
he couldn't come to "terms" with it.

a dolphin does something that causes some commotion. when another dolphin asks him if it was an accident, what does he say?
"yes. sorry."

what did the momma clam say to the baby clam when he was only thinking of himself?
"go to your room!"

(nuts being foods, and not friends of bolts) what did the nut say to the bully nut when he wouldn't stop pestering him?
"don't 'pecan' me!"

what do you get when you add 1 to 164,309,772?
the wrong answer.

why was king tut confused?
because his "computer tut" was broken.

how was the circus?
in"tents".

what does dale earnhardt do with his deodorant?
he makes a "pit stop".

i had a really great joke session with ava herceg this one time. here are some excepts from the experts:

how much is a good idea worth?
a "brillian" dollars
- ava herceg

what did the finger nails angrily say to the ava herceg?
"bite me."
- ava herceg

japhy riddle: knock knock.
ava herceg: who's there
japhy riddle: a.
ava herceg: what did the acorn say when it fell off the tree?
japhy riddle: wait. fuck you. i didn't finish mine.
ava herceg: oh.
ava herceg: who's there?
japhy riddle: a.
ava herceg: b?
japhy riddle: nevermind.
japhy riddle: i'm laughing really hard right now.
ava herceg: a. bee?, see?
ava herceg: hahahahhahahha.
japhy riddle: at first i was gonna say something stupid like "a-va's gonna go take a bubble bath."...
japhy riddle: but then...
ava herceg: hahah.
japhy riddle: i though of typing "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz"
japhy riddle: and that made me laugh a whole bunch.
japhy riddle: but then...
japhy riddle: you just ignored the knock knock joke which made me laugh even harder.
ava herceg: hahahahaha.
japhy riddle: and then the second time, you guessed "b" instead of saying "a who?".
japhy riddle: and that really got me.
ava herceg: hahahahha.
ava herceg: i totally forgot how knock knock jokes worked.

if potatoes have eyes and corn has ears then fuck you.
- japhy riddle

ava herceg: what did the koala say to its mom when it was hungry?
japhy riddle: feed me.
japhy riddle: wait...
ava herceg: come on.
ava herceg: this ones good.
japhy riddle: "eucalypthis a meal?"
japhy riddle: like "you call this a meal?"
ava herceg: no.
japhy riddle: just tell me.
ava herceg: can i have some chicken mar"soup"ial
japhy riddle: so bad. so good.
ava herceg: so bad.

ava herceg: what did the subway say to the uterus?
japhy riddle: I don't know.
ava herceg: neither do i.

ava herceg: what did the sun ask the moon?
japhy riddle: "what around earth are you doing?"
ava herceg: "i heard you're not a morning person."
japhy riddle: that's not a question. ha ha ha.

what did ava say to the tempermental washing machine?
"you're just a vicious cycle."
- ava herceg

japhy riddle: what do you call a lamp that arrives on the moon?
ava herceg: one small step for lamp-kind.
japhy riddle: good. but no.
ava herceg: what?
japhy riddle: a lunar lantern.

japhy riddle: what did the person at the south pole say about his writing utensil?
japhy riddle: this is so stupid and it doesn't quite work.
ava herceg: hahahhaha.
japhy riddle: wait. no. that's not the answer... but it should be.
japhy riddle: "this is so stupid and it doesn't quite work." ha ha.
ava herceg: "my nose is so froze-pen."
japhy riddle: ha ha. no. the original answer is...

[reworked]
what did the guy, at the south pole, wonder about his writing utensil?
"when is this 'penguin' to run out of ink?"
- japhy riddle

what did the dictionary say to the cheekbone or jawline?
"my, you're so defined."
- ava herceg

ava herceg: what did ava say to japhy?
japhy riddle: something mean probably.
ava herceg: no.
japhy riddle: "this is so stupid and it doesn't quite work."
ava herceg: ha ha. no.
ava herceg: i mean what did japhy say to ava?
japhy riddle: i can't get this wrong.
ava herceg: ha ha ha.

japhy riddle: what's a four letter word for boat?
ava herceg: fuck.
japhy riddle: ha ha ha.
japhy riddle: that was actually one of the answers.
japhy riddle: the other being...
japhy riddle: oh, wait...
japhy riddle: new joke.
ava herceg: hahaha.
japhy riddle: what did the guy say when he had to pick between the smallest integer or the carnivorous aquatic/marine mammal?
japhy riddle: "it's one or the otter."
ava herceg: hahahahahahahaha
ava herceg: the four letter word for boat was "ship".